In Naples, 28 missionaries of the Religion of Peace were found to be possessing religious texts, stolen property, falsified documents and explosives. The latter were apparently intended for as yet undetermined peaceful purposes.

The European Union's Parliament moved closer to setting up a special inquiry Thursday into whether millions of euros in EU aid to Palestinians was being used to fund terrorism. A petition with the required support of 157 members calling for a special investigating committee was approved this week.

Dot.com bubble legal juggernaut Brobeck, Phleger and Harrison has imploded. Associates were told yesterday that they would be paid until the end of the month, which is today. Five hundred attorneys are now roaming the streets looking for work. Members of the general public are advised to stay in their homes and cars with the doors locked until we give the all-clear signal.