The following has been making its way around the net recently. Source unknown
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium ". Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see it.
Posted by Stefan Sharkansky at October 18, 2002 11:48 AMGovernmentium is also being promoted by some as the "miracle cure" for all of societies ills. To be effective, however, it must be administered in small doses. But, due to it's natural tendency to increase in mass with time, it loses effectiveness very quickly. Which leads others to believe that governmentium may be one of the most toxic substances known to man.
Posted by: tpittman on October 19, 2002 07:47 PMI first saw this joke in 1995 (I still have the email) and it went like this:
New Chemical Element Discovered
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively
named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic
number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases
after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually
be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results
to date are not promising.
I got you beat there Yehudit :^) The New Scientist was running that mail back in '91.
Posted by: David Ross on October 26, 2002 10:00 AMI LIKE CHEESE
Posted by: Mike the Great on September 2, 2003 11:33 PMi like elephant feet. they're much bigger than my feet. i like elephant feet. the preceding statements do not constitute a poem. they are especially not a haiku. i enjoy elephant -- i like -- elephant feet.
Posted by: GentleMan on October 1, 2003 10:24 PM